At least one thing you really, really love right now is going to turn out to be total crap. Remember Garden State? Remember how deeply and unreasonably you loved Garden State? Remember when you rewatched Garden State as an adult instead of a Teen With Feelings and realized it was sentimental claptrap? That will happen again. Accept this, and try not to let it discourage you from loving things as deeply and unreasonably as you can.
Looking up your exes on Facebook is never the merry romp you think it’ll be.
The things that make you wish you were dead now will not make you wish you were dead in the future. Instead, you’ll have a whole new set of things that will make you wish you were dead. Which still sucks, but hey, at least it’s a change of scenery.
Don’t waste time thinking that you’re too cool for things. You’re not cool. You’re never going to be. Shut the fuck up and listen to that Prozzak album if you want to.
Relatedly, stop worrying about whether or not a thing you do is “adult.” You’re an adult and you are doing it. Therefore, it is de facto an adult thing to do.
Don’t kiss that person.
Or that one.
Or that one.
You seriously can’t have nachos for dinner more than once a week. This is not a dare, it is just an observation.
That thing that happened is over now. You survived.
In a few years, you are not going to remember that time you mispronounced a word in front of your coworkers. Unless the fact that you wrote this sentence means that it is now permanently burned into your memory. Fuck, it totally does, doesn’t it? Never mind. Embrace the embarrassment, because it will last forever.
No one really wants to hear your thoughts on Jane Grey. This will not stop you from sharing them, but I thought that you should know.
It is okay to have big, complicated, contradictory opinions on things. It is also okay to have no opinion on things, or to hold off forming one until you investigate an issue further. You don’t have to have a punchy sound bite at the tip of your tongue for everything. Don’t let the pressure to immediately pontificate rob you of your own desire for nuance and clarity.
You really need to stop just petting random dogs. Some of them bite. Some of them have bitten you. Learn from your mistakes.
Any rules that you have about treating others with kindness and respect need to apply to you, too. You’re as real and important as the people you cross on the street or bump into in a grocery store. If you wouldn’t beat any of them up for a thoughtless remark they made in junior high, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it either.
Not everyone wants to talk about C.S. Lewis when they’re drunk, and you need to respect that.
The person you are speaking to does not necessarily have better or more informed opinions than you. You do not need to pretend to agree with them.
… That being said, no matter how valid your opinions are, don’t yell at people for liking things that you don’t like. Some people enjoy Patrick Rothfuss, and that is their right. You do not need to spend hours telling them exactly why The Name of the Wind is execrable garbage. (Even though it is.) (People can still like it, though.)
After you run out of mix for your liquor, you are going to believe that it is a good idea to continue drinking said liquor straight. Literally every time this happens you end up vomiting into someone’s waste paper basket. Either bring more soda or get someone to hide your rum.
It takes more bravery to be passionate, honest, and sincere than it does to be ironically detached. Be brave.
No, you aren’t going to just “rest your eyes for a minute.” You’re going to fall asleep on the couch with the lights on like you always do. Get up and change into your pajamas, you animal.
The Mimsy 